Why Your Energy Is a Bank Account (And How to Stop Overdrawing)

Ashley (00:00)
Welcome everyone to the Leading the Lane podcast. We're happy to have you here today. I thought a good topic today might just be, we've talked about like relationships in the past and those types of things. And I think it's just, you know, we're into the new lunar year, we're in the year of the fire horse, all of those good things. And I thought it might be a good time to talk about your actual like people that you see, what they mean,

What happens if you don't see people for a long time or maybe if you end up accidentally self isolating yourself, maybe what that can do, I think not only to your own personal well being, but like literally to business as well.

Steven L Burch (00:41)
So we know relationships are important, right? Like that's what we have to be able to build, to be able to sell houses and have a successful business or anything that you do, right? I think it's all about relationships. I, for one, get peopled out. No people juice, no energy. I don't want to do anything, but it's so hard because how do you have a successful business?

and you're not out there networking, how do you continue to build that or you're not having the connections with your previous people? So how do you balance it really is my question.

Ashley (01:15)
That's a tough one. ⁓ I mean, I do think right. We've talked about boundaries. So think that boundaries definitely come into play. ⁓ For me, know, it's like Friday nights are kind of the untouchables. Like after five o'clock, I am not available. ⁓ You know, the more and more people that I talk to, I feel like that's more than norm. Like they're tapped out by five o'clock on Friday because a lot of people are in people in jobs. But right then you're like right back to it on on Saturday morning. ⁓

You know, but I, think when it goes back to the right people, but also, think sometimes it might just be that might be a sign that there's some other things going on and that there might be full burnout. ⁓ So, do you need to not necessarily like, step away from real estate, but do you need to step away from all of the events, all of the things for a short period of time? So you can really focus on your health and energy and wellbeing. And then when you're right and you feel good about it.

Steven L Burch (01:49)
Great.

Ashley (02:15)
Can you step back in and what does that mean?

Steven L Burch (02:18)
Right. And I think too, like when they get started, we talked about this of like how many different boards, you you sit on and your volunteer opportunities, all these different things. And it does get overwhelming. So and it doesn't have to be a light switch all or nothing. I think it's having that, you know,

balance and real evaluation, ⁓ doing a self audit of what serves me. it give me the energy or is this depleting my energy? And I think that's a very quick way to be able to identify like which direction you need to go. And it's bullet point by bullet point of those different activities. And as long as it still serves you, great, run with it. But if it no longer serves you, get rid of it.

Ashley (03:01)
I that's hard for people to do right like you commit to an organization and then I feel like some of us just like kind of feel like you're stuck there for life because you feel bad because then who's going to take over who's going to step in but there comes a point where you just have to realize that it's actually not that's not your problem to figure out and it's not to say that there isn't some one behind you that's been waiting to fill those you know boots and they haven't had the opportunity to but yeah over the last year I think it's been a lot of. ⁓

Like, when you're at the meetings, like, do you leave the meeting feeling rejuvenated or do you leave the meeting feeling 10 times more drained? And I think that that is just a hard look in and then you just have to tell people like, you know, think that my time has been served here. I'm happy to consult whenever needed, but I think it's time for someone else to fill these shoes. And I think it's hard, but it's not to say you don't still support these organizations or.

Steven L Burch (03:50)
Mm-hmm.

Ashley (03:56)
go to events, but maybe your time just needs to be spent where it is filling up your cup.

Steven L Burch (03:57)
Sure.

I'm working with a client now and along the same lines, you being able to get them to see like the positive energy or negative energy. And the analogy that I used with them was, let's look at your bank account. Let's look at your energy like a bank account. Is it plus green? Like that's good, right? Negative red,

So let's look at this. Is this something that is giving you plus grain in increasing your balance in your bank account? And I'm not meaning monetary by any means, I'm saying your energy, right? Is it increasing your energy in a positive way? And not everything is going to be always positive. So just like your bank account, well, at least my bank account, there's definitely expenses that are coming out of there, right? So making sure that you know that you are not allowing your balance, your energy balance

to deplete too much to where you're overdrawing and you're now in the negatives. It's okay to have those flex outs, but when you look at that line item of the energy or whatever you're spending your money on, is that something that you truly mean or is that something we can go ahead and eliminate out of your budget and we can put to the side and not have so many negative transactions there? So I think when I put that in that perspective of adding or subtracting, pulling from you,

Like it really changed the mindset in looking at things a little bit differently because we are completely in control of all of that, right? We say we're not in control of everybody else, but we are in control of ourselves. So having that self recognition and that audit really truly is something you have to do.

Ashley (05:32)
Mm-hmm.

Well, I think it's an audit of who you're spending your time with too, right? So that changes over time too. And maybe there's people that you were spending time with that you thought might be good or positive. And then the more you spend time with them, maybe it's just negative or not as uplifting. And you just kind of have to decide to slightly remove yourself. And sometimes that's hard because it might be people that...

work in the same office or, you know, are in the same organizations. And it's just a matter of maybe trying to pull yourself back a little bit so you don't get, you know, drug into those. But, know, over the last year, I've had some, ⁓ you know, medical things that came up that I needed to pull myself back, just want to take care of myself, but also because those environments were uncomfortable for numerous reasons. And it

Steven L Burch (06:28)
Okay.

Ashley (06:35)
is alarming, like how quickly you can isolate yourself ⁓ from those types

Steven L Burch (06:40)
Okay.

Ashley (06:40)
of things. And, ⁓ you know, then you start to wonder like, if you're missed at those, you know, did your, did your, ⁓ you know, going actually impact anyone? And then you start to kind of, you know, play games with yourself in general. And that's a whole nother slippery slope that you can go down. But I think that's when being around the right people, also getting your help.

Steven L Burch (06:59)
Okay.

Ashley (07:04)
situations figured out. And so I think it was just interesting with the whole shedding of the past and the snake. All

Steven L Burch (07:12)
Okay.

Ashley (07:13)
that ended on May, or on Monday. And Tuesday was a new year and it was interesting. I went to a meeting that I haven't been to in three months and I was walking down the hallway and someone was like, hey friend, and came and gave me a hug. And then I turned into the...

into the office where the meeting was and then someone else came and gave me a hug and then like two more people behind them were like, oh my God, we haven't seen you for so long. And it was like this, I don't know, it was like this rush of like probably endorphins or whatever, because they're all people that I like deeply care about, but all within like a two minute spanned, you know, but stayed after and had some conversations and I like it felt good, right? And then, like, I realized that

Steven L Burch (07:36)
Right.

Ashley (07:56)
as

easy as that is, like at my core, like I'm still a human that needs to have those, you know, other people. And it was funny, right? I've had some hearing things. So I spoke to a guy that specializes in hearing. And when I talked to him, I told him that I thought I was having social anxiety. And when I talked to him yesterday, he said after he got off the phone, he told his wife that and he's like,

Steven L Burch (08:02)
Okay.

Ashley (08:21)
Can you like see Ashley having social anxiety? Like that just must be awful for her. That's not who we know. In like hearing it

from someone else, I was like, I mean, you're right. That is what I've been saying all along. know, so we're gonna take care of some of those issues. But then like last night we had volleyball and we don't normally do anything after volleyball, but it was our last night. So we stopped on the way home and like walked in and saw another guy I haven't seen forever and screamed my name and the whole bar turned around. I was like, okay.

Steven L Burch (08:50)
Okay.

Ashley (08:51)
Make an announcement here.

Same thing, like get it like you get like a big bear hug, right? And I think I was just having these realizations over the last couple days that like there are those good people, there are people that really do appreciate you and want to see you and maybe they're having a bad day and seeing you might be, you know, what they needed because they haven't seen you for a while or I think it was just a realization for me that it's easy to pull away, but it's probably not always the best, especially when there are good people that you can fill it with.

Steven L Burch (08:55)
Okay.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, you know we went to dinner last week and ran into a previous broker owner, right? Like she's been in the area forever, haven't seen her in a long time. She came up and she was like, Steven, and gave me a big old hug and we chit-chatted and she was like, I just have not seen you in so long. She was.

Ashley (09:27)
Mm-hmm.

Steven L Burch (09:40)
But I do want to let you know, I watch your podcast and I love it. Like I love when you drop little things about our community or things that are happening because I can probably guess who these people are. And I was like, I'm sure you can. And I'm sure that you're exactly correct. But she was like, I just don't ever say anything or, you know, like anything, but I'm watching, I'm rooting for you. And, you know, that for sure was a huge positive, a win, just somebody that I really respect and have, you know.

She's seen me my entire life grow up around here and her to be able to come up and have that conversation. So yeah, I mean, it has to fill your cup at the bottom and at the end of the day. Like, but also I think, you know, for me too is yes, like I don't want to go to the for small rural America. So it's always there's the bar or there's the bar. Like there's really not.

Ashley (10:35)
Well, it used to be bowling, but we

don't have a bowling alley anymore, so.

Steven L Burch (10:39)
Yeah, there's not much so like I don't like going to the same establishments over and over and over and just doing that right like and I think that's where maybe. Of course in the winter nobody nobody really talks about like the seasonal depression and how much the weather really does contribute to your mood, at least my mood. But it's forcing yourself like yes, I don't want to go to those establishments, but it doesn't mean I have to.

Ashley (10:54)
See you soon all.

no, 100%.

Steven L Burch (11:08)
indulge in drinking with everybody, right? So I think it's again, it's the self going back constantly over and over. So being present, being seen, and not just seen on podcast or on social, being physically seen, making those continued connections. And I bet you probably nine times out of 10, like whatever the bullshit story that we're telling ourselves is really not the true story. And we're making excuses. And so

Ashley (11:35)
Mm-hmm.

Steven L Burch (11:38)
having to step outside of our comfort zone, pushing ourselves, and that's really where growth then happens.

Ashley (11:45)
You know, I think it can even just be like, right, because we're, think, as in real estate, like, we're always in these, like, event heavy, you know, type of things, which same thing, like, you can only have like so much of a conversation before the event starts. And, you know, I'm a live auction queen. you know, before you get involved in that, ⁓ you know, so I think even just a recommendation to maybe think more about just those like one to one type of thing. So, like, I.

asked a lender here in town that's really passionate about housing like I am. And we had a coffee yesterday and I mean, it was fantastic. We came up with like four different ideas that he can work on within the bank. that again, like felt extremely fulfilling for me that there might be some progress, you know, or if it's just like a couple or, you know, friends that maybe haven't seen for a while, like actually just going to dinner like the four of you, either even at your house or out together, right? Like those conversations where you have

Steven L Burch (12:22)
All right.

Mm-hmm.

Ashley (12:39)
maybe two hours to actually get in, you know, those are the things I think that we forget about too, that those are just as important. So if there's someone that you haven't seen for a while, you've been thinking about them, I think I would encourage you to reach out and either have coffee or have a lunch and might see that that was just the turnaround that you needed for the week.

Steven L Burch (12:58)
And it, you know, like a lot of times here too, like it doesn't have to be elaborate, I think is what we're getting at. It doesn't have to be this huge function. doesn't have to be that you're putting on this amazing event or going to this amazing event every single day. It's the true meaningful connections. And it's as simple as a text message. Noel texted me the other day and was like, I'm so freaking excited to see you in a month. Can't wait to see you. And we chit chatted and it made me feel so good. Like it was it stopped me. I wasn't expecting to.

Ashley (13:18)
Yeah. Yeah.

Steven L Burch (13:28)
receive anything from anybody, especially Noelle. But I'm thankful that she did. It's a small touch in, and I think maybe that's probably the first step if you are feeling isolated or you're not wanting to go or seasonal depression, right? Like whatever it's going to be, whatever you want to call it, ⁓ is you just doing one small minor action and reach out to one person and to one person a day. mean, compound that together. That's a lot of people that you're

Ashley (13:55)
Mm-hmm.

Steven L Burch (13:58)
you know, talking to now versus talking to zero a day. That's a huge increase.

Ashley (14:01)
Well, and I think even if, like,

you you are struggling with things that you think are not, ⁓ like. Warranted of your of your time anymore, you know, maybe you just need to tell someone else that to, like, maybe they'll help you with. You know, writing that email that you need to which I'm sure chat will help you with too, but, know, that it's time for you to move on. But I think, you know, or like, I've had to tell board members, like, why I wanted to move on. And then they realized that there are some other things that they need to work on. So I think.

Steven L Burch (14:26)
⁓

Ashley (14:30)
just being aware of that energy and really trying to preserve the positive. Because let's be honest, things are strange. And the more that we can try to support each other and put yourself in good environments, right? It's just like, what good can you do? Like it's continuing to pay it forward for someone.

Steven L Burch (14:51)
I love it. ⁓ Definitely needed this talk right like in realizing getting back to just me not allowing the outside influences so much, you know, absorb and put on my shoulders. I can only control me. That's it. So.

Thanks for tuning in, people. We love that you'll come back continuously and hope to see you next time.